Mental note: Money. Tickets. Passport. Think it’s as simple as that? Think again. Before you can kick back with a G&T on the plane, your mind will be in over-drive. Here’s a dialogue of thoughts you’re guaranteed to have as you head through Departures…
Oh my God, I left my passport at home.
Wait, there it is. Phew.
Please don’t be delayed. Please don’t be delayed.
Maybe one day I’ll turn up without a ticket and pick a destination at random from the Departures Board.
If I smile and flutter my eyelashes at the check-in attendant, perhaps I’ll get upgraded.
Damn you, queue for security. Don’t you know I’ve got shopping to do?
Which line looks the shortest?
Quick, decision time. Must commit.
Damn, I picked the wrong one.
I have to take my shoes and my belt off? Why don’t I just get completely naked?
No, I don’t have an iPad in my hand luggage, but thanks for rubbing it in.
I totally have a bottle of water hidden at the bottom of my handbag, though. Such a rebel.
Wait, where’s my passport?
Woohoo, Departures. You’ve never looked so good.
You want to charge me how much for Wi-Fi?! I thought this was the 21st century?!
Mustn’t forget to check in on Facebook.
What’s the smuggest status update I can come up with?
Starbucks or Pret? Starbucks or Pret?
Oh wait, I’m on holiday. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a drink at 7am. Weatherspoon’s it is.
Hello there, WHSmith.
Free bottle of water when you buy the Telegraph? #winning
Where’s my passport?!
Time to test out ALL the perfumes.
I just spent £89 on make-up, but it’s tax-free, therefore, bargain.
That stag group over there better not be on my plane.
You think you’re so cool with your matching T-shirts.
Proceed to departure gate B21? Alrighty then.
15-minute walk away? Say what?!
Whoop, travellators! All is good in the world.
Boarding hasn’t even started yet, why are all these fools queuing up? Chillax, people.
There’s still time to get upgraded.